Friday Fact
#1: I like lists.
This is not
completely accurate, I absolutely adore lists. I worship wonderful lists. I
crave carefully crafted lists. I also like alliteration.
I also like
routines and easily understandable writing prompts. I have thus decided to try
and have weekly Friday Facts where I present a list of facts (duh). This week
will feature a list of things I’ve done (do) to my boyfriend that convinces me
he is insane (for not breaking up with me).
Why my boyfriend loves
me / Crap my boyfriend has to put up with.
It can go either way.
1.
Remembering our anniversary: Not as in “Why the Flowers!? Wow, is
it our anniversary??? Shoot, I forgot it was today. I still have a gift though,
because I remembered last week.” Nah, I’m more of the “Hey, tall person! When
is our anniversary again? It’s in the fall, right?” kind of gal.
2. Throw water in his face. Waking people up with a splash of cold water in the face is one of my
favorite things. Keeping a glass of water by the bed is one of his (maybe, I
don’t know, but he does it so I’m just going to assume that’s the reason). This
is basic math.
3. Create awareness about domestic abuse. Every November, our school is decorated with purple
ribbons to create awareness about domestic and dating violence. To help the
cause, I designed a game; The Purple Ribbon Punch. It’s like Punch Buggy, but
more fun for me, because I always win. There are many reasons for this,
including my ninja-like reflexes, but also the fact that a 18” giant can’t just
run around campus and hit 5”5’ girls. (I made these numbers up, because
American units)
4. Being a girl.
Like most girls, I’m a very caring and sharing person. And I’m all for equality
and that shit. This means that whenever I have my period, I just really have to
share it with the world. The pain, the feelings, the details. This is not
appreciated.
5. Being overly passionate about Harry Potter. My boyfriend’s biggest flaw may be that he
has not read the Harry Potter series. We are working on this, so don’t worry.
After all, his initials are RAB and if you ask me, that’s reason enough to date
someone. One time when we were doing hw in a local coffee shop, he started saying
he would google who died in the 6th book. Having the emotional range
of a teaspoon, I did the only thing I could think of; I slapped his thigh the
hardest I could as to prevent his research. It may have echoed all across the
room. (PS. I feel like hitting him is starting to become a common denominator
here. This is upsetting on many levels)
6. Being true to my convictions and goals. Like most girls (I think?), I have a list of
qualities that I want in a man. The first three go as follows: 1. Owns a
sailboat. 2. Taller than me. 3. Older than me. Everything is negotiable but the
sailboat. Which is why I added a clause in the Boyfriend Agreement stating that
he had to procure a sailboat within a year. His failing to do so resulted in me
breaking up with him (the day I thought was) our anniversary. The contract was
renegotiated to his advantage. Although I’m not quite sure how this happened, I
strongly suspect food bribes were involved. Very sneaky…
What is life without HP? And if you view him as a house elf, it´s okay to punish him when he does things he knows he shouldn´t do.
ReplyDeleteNot if you are a member of S.P.E.W.
ReplyDeleteAll the HP references make me happy
ReplyDeleteAll your comments make me happy...
DeleteBecause American units. Perfect.
ReplyDelete