Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I'm blue... And yellow and green and red.

Just checking in today to tell you that I ran 25 km on Sunday (that’s over 15 mi for you American idiots). A whopping twenty five kilometers of muddy trail filled with loose rocks and slippery roots. I’m not even going to pretend to be humble about it and say that anyone could have done it and that it’s not a big deal, because fuck that: it’s the farthest I’ve ever run and it’s a huge deal! Go ME! Go legs and fuck yeah 25k!

Even more impressive is that I only fell once. You see, for some reason, that grace, body control, and elegance most people gain from doing 10 years of gymnastics sort of eluded me.The simpelest tasks that involve moving any body part is always a gamble. Only a week ago, I had to file an incident report at work because I got severely burnt. Not from anything related to our lime kiln which would have made sense, nope: I spilled piping hot tea all over myself because I tripped on the floor. The perfectly normal, completely flat office floor. Not that it was the first time I spilled hot tea all over myself, but the other times have been more due to the fact that I seem to forget that I’m wider than my head whenever I try to pass through a doorway, which is a slightly less embarrassing offence. This complete lack of self-awareness results in my shoulders, knees, shins, and most every other body part constantly being covered in bruises. And more often than not, I have no idea of how they got there. I mean, if I were to remember all the times I bumped into a table or knocked my hips into a bookshelf, there would be no brain capacity left for anything else. Literally. (In the literal sense, not the figurative sense.)

Not this time though, this time I know perfectly well that the huge, multicolored bruise on my butt is from that butt plant on the trails (is butt plant the equivalent to a face palnt where you land on your butt?) It’s like my body is celebrating pride week with a somewhat unsuccessful re-creation of a rainbow flag all over my left butt cheek. Which I am all for, I just wished it had decided to use less earthly tones. There’s a distinct difference between Kelly green and snot green, just saying. Do your homework, butt!

I don’t have any fun pictures of this, but I’m feeling pretty hungry, so here is a pizza I ate while in Denmark this summer. 
Is sure was delish, but these Danes really have something to learn when it comes to even distribution of toppings.
Feel free to use the comment section to compliment me for my successful week end. Or to brag about your own sucesses. This is a judgement free zone. 

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Friday, August 29, 2014

Again with the chili peppers?

First off: I know the rules you guys (I made them after all); Fridays are for Friday Fun Facts and there are no fun facts to be found this Friday. I’m not even going to apologize for this infraction, because sometimes you have to live a little and not care what other people think. Who would have thunk? I’m such a rebel that I don’t even follow my own rules.

The real reason for this deviation is that I can’t for the life of me think of a fifth element to the list I had planned for today. I might not be grammatically perfect all the time or the most consistent poster, but I do have standards. Posting an incomplete list, that would just not do. There are certain rules that even I can''t find it in myself to break.

Three is also an acceptable number. 
For the past year or so, I have had multiple locations I've called home. For the most part, I’ve been living at home with my parents with the occasional week or week-end in my sister’s apartment whenever she’s been travelling for work. Then, I had a three month period of residing in a friend’s apartment in Oslo. All by myself! It was wonderful and amazing and every once in a while: boring. I was spoiled with being used to having three brothers and two parents to go annoy whenever I had down time.

For the first time in my life I was living completely by myself and I realized that there is a special kind of fear that is reserved solely for those who don’t co-habit. Since I’m somewhat vertically challenged, my time in the kitchen has always been 60% cooking and 35% climbing on furniture like a monkey, trying to get to things that are out of reach (the last 5% is bumping into stuff and getting bruises). During one of these climbs, I was paralyzed by the sudden fear of what would happen if I fell and got seriously injured. How long would it take before anyone found my mangled corpse? What if I was alive, but immobilized, how long would I have to lie on that cold floor before being rescued by emergency personnel? Would the hot paramedics judge or love the fuzzy onesie I was wearing? Why could I never learn to wash my hair at regular intervals (shorter than two weeks)? I feel like there is a finite number of gorgeous strangers you can meet then forget the name of because you’re obsessing about your unreasonably greasy hair before you learn to take care of your grooming like a grown up.

Sisters in matching footies. Bets Walmart buy ever!
There are other challenges to solo-living as well and here is a little tidbit I wrote back in February:

Yesterday, I made a very important discovery. I’ve always dreamed about living by myself, because then there would be no people around and I could be alone all the time. *dreamy gaze* No people = no pants = heaven.
I store my pants and pj's with my coats. True story

However, I discovered that this gold medal has a dark and painful backside. I was doing some late night cooking; making chili, rocking out to the Frozen soundtrack, and generally having a great time. Later that night, I found myself glaring at myself in the bathroom mirror. After the most productive day in forever (groceries, cooking, laundry, baking, trying to buy tickets to an event, but being deterred because the crown princess was throwing a party there), I should have been high fiving myself and doing my happy booty shake instead of giving myself the stink eye.

Let me tell you, no matter how hard you glare, your useless brain will never be able to find a way of removing your contacts without using your chili pepper soaked hands. Seeing as I have a rather uncomfortable history with chili peppers, you would have thought I had learned my lesson: use plastic gloves or avoid at all cost. Long story short: it was ugly and painful and I’d rather never talk about it again. Learning from past mistakes, who needs that when the content of your blog is dependent on you failing at everyday life?

In related news: I’m in the process of moving in with my sister. Weeeee! …  I think. It’s either going to be great or I will get killed, that remains to be seen. If nothing else, at least I’ll have someone to remove my contacts if need be.

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Monday, August 25, 2014

I am back! With a picture of my back!

Sometimes I wear fancy topknots, in lieu of my usual messy bun.
Photo: the amazing Lise Martine Halle
Dude! I’m back! Don’t know for how long or how often, but if we just stay in the present, like the teachings of mindfulness tells us, then I’m here right now and that is all that matters. (Although, the present moment of me writing this is not the same as the moment of you reading this, which makes me confused about which “right now” I am talking about. This whole mindfulness-business is really confusing to me, my company does not get their money’s worth in regards to my life coach’s fee, I think. Also, I’m not quite sure how I started writing about mindfulness, do you remember? This whole writing business in general is very confusing, with the tenses and the time lapse between reading and writing and the “not writing long and complicated sentences” and the delicate subtleties of the English language, not to mention . You know what, were just going to pretend that this whole parenthesis did not happen. I can’t remember what it was supposed to be about and at this point I really don’t know where it ended. Let’s just agree to move on to the next paragraph and never mention this confusing monster of a parenthesis again. Deal!)

One of the pros of being away for a long time is that stuff has happened in my life, so I might actually have some content to put on here. The con is that I’m getting older and thus my memory is starting to fail me, so I’ll probably not remember the good stuff. As an exciting preview, I guess I can mention that since January, I’ve been to multiple countries, I’ve ran a lot and gotten weird semi-running-related injuries, I’ve been on awkward dates, I’ve made food and drinks, I’ve consumed a lot of food and drinks, and I’ve watched 8 seasons of Supernatural . I’ll go in more detail about all this later. (Note to self: this right here can be used as a list for future blog posts. And since everyone know that having a topic is at least 50% of the work, that means that these posts are more or less going to write themselves. ) (Note to self 2: Should probably stop ending all paragraphs with a parenthesis.)(Note to self 3: And no more“note to self”s, just cut it.)

In the last 4 days, two very exciting things have happened in my life:
1.    Since June 2013, I’ve never had better internet connection than Edge on my phone. I just assumed that my company had a crappy deal with the phone company, and went on living my merry life with the slowest internet imaginable. It turned out that there was a setting on my phone, and now I have super-fast internet on my phone and it is like I’ve finally joined the rest of the world in this millennium. 
If you’re wondering about the placement of my apps, it’s because my phone screen is too big for my stubby, little fingers to reach across. This placement allows me to reach all apps while still keeping a secure grip on the device. And yeah; my apps are color coordinated, shoot me.

2.    Yesterday, I discovered that there is a season of Doctor Who on Netflix that I’ve yet to see. “Geronimo” I yelled, as I threw myself and a big bag of chips on the couch, settling in for a serious marathon. And let me tell you, there are some abilities that you learn from training towards running a marathon that will leave you so much better equipped for a Netflix marathon. Bladder control and stamina (after all, you don’t want to fall asleep)are the first two that comes to mind.

I basically checked in today to say that you can add me to your list of blogs to check, because Topknotted is not dormant anymore. And if you’re using Bloglovin, you can always follow my blog there and then you never have to check here ever. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

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Friday, January 31, 2014

Terricited is a word: it means terrified and excited at the same time

This week went by in a snowy blur. I moved into an apartment in Oslo that I’ll be borrowing from a friend until Easter. To say that I’m excited about living on my own again is not an overstatement. I almost peed myself, that is how excited I was! Not sharing a bathroom with two of my brothers is my new definition of heaven. Example: “How did it feel to pet that unicorn?”” Like not sharing a bathroom with two younger brothers!”  I’ll miss the lunches and breakfasts my mother so kindly provided for sure, but I’ll never be afraid to sit down in a puddle of pee ever again. NO PEE PUDDLES! (Except when I get excited, that is. Puppies and me: excitement peeing and hairy legs.)

I’ve been looking forward to and dreading this week end for a while now. I’m going to the town of Stavanger on the west coast to attend an audition called “So you think you want to be a relief worker?” 
 Pros and cons explaining my terricitment (the noun)
Pro: Stavanger is the only one of the major cities and towns in Norway I’ve not been to and it’ll be nice to check that off my list. (We have maybe 5 major cities on Norway, none of which can be called a city.)
Con: I’m a little afraid of the people from Stavanger. Their dialect makes them seem angry all the time. Besides, it’s one of my least favorite dialects and I’m not looking forward to hearing it all week end.

Pro: The course/audition is hosted by the Norwegian chapter of Engineers Whithout Borders. I Was really involved with this org in the States, so I’m looking forward to get more involved here as well.
Con: Out of the 30 participants attending the class, only 10 will get a chance to go to Uganda and work with a development project there. I would love to do that, but tend to not perform well under stress. Just the other day, I threw my phone across the room because I freaked out about a call from an unknown number. Any more stress than that, and I really don’t know how I’ll react.

Pro: I am going by myself, so I’ll get to practice my socializing skills.
Con: I’M GOING BY MYSELF! I hate strangers, so there is no way this will be a pleasant experience. Thank goodness for Beatrice and the comfort she provides.

Thank godness I made a batch of this yesterday. Stored safely in my freezer for therapy Sunday.
What are your week end plans?
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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Pictures and distractions

It's only Tuesdays, you guys!
That means that there's a whopping four more days of work before the week end. Being a grown up with a full time job is not as fun as I thought it would be.

Here's a few links and pictures that can take you 15 min closer to 4pm Friday.

The past two weeks in pictures (We have snow!)
This is how we celebratet my friend Cecilie's 25th two weeks ago:

Here, we are discussing rectal suppository:

Winter wonderland up in the mountains this week end:

Yay, skiing: 

Have a great week!
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Friday, January 24, 2014

Friday Facts - I want an alternate universe

I was really close to setting a new record yesterday: 5 days of no injuries or near death experiences! But that streak abruptly ended as I managed to cut my finger on a bread roll. #YOLO (I really don’t know what that means, was that ok? Honestly, I’m not really sure why and what and how hashtags function, but I’m trying to expand to a younger, hipper audience. Not that you guys look old, or anything like that. You look fabulous, especially for your age. And I’ve never seen anyone more hip in my life. You’re awesome and that hashtag was meant especially for you, if you want it!)

Today started with a 4 mi run before work and a green smoothie. Can I get a what what? This week end, I’ll be heading to the mountains with friends and I’m super excited. So, before I turn this blog into a pink diary of hearts and kisses, where all I do is telling you guys about my perfect healthy and fit life, I’ll treat you to a little Friday list of what’s been on my mind lately.

Things that left me a little bitter after of watching all the harry potter movies with my sister this Christmas

1.    I’ll never know what I’d see in the Mirror of Erised. I mean, I can always guess, but I’m fairly good at tricking myself into believing that I’m a better person than I actually am. Like, I wish it would show me in a peaceful world without hunger or poverty. But sinceI started enforcing my “No sweets during the week” rule more strictly, I’m pretty sure it would show me visiting Wonka’s factory on a Wednesday, swimming in Nutella and stuffing my face with black liquorish.

2.    I’ll never know what house I would be sorted to. I’m pretty sure it would be Ravenclaw, but I’m not 100% sure. I spend way too much time thinking about this.

3.    I’ll never know what my boggart would turn into. The list of suspects is too long: spiders, heights, losing the people I love, trolls, darkness, and I could go on. In case you were wondering, I do have a genuine fear of trolls (the Nordic kind, not the Lower Peninsula kind), probably because I was raised with stories about their dangerous ways.  Part of me still believes that the waterfalls we have to pass to get to my cabin are troll pee.
Imagine these slighly yellow during the early summer melting period. So much pee! (Source)

4.    I’ll never know what my patronus would look like. My Pinterest is filled with tigers and bunnies, but somehow I suspect I would end up with this dude:
Why hello there, naked mole rat. I never know whether I prefer the kiss or you.

5.    I’ll never know what amortentia would smell like to me. A sea breeze and pine needles warmed by the sun. The smell of a fire and freshly baked sweet buns. Acceptable and normal options, but I would probably end up with something weird like the smell of the biological denitrifications process and anionic polymer coagulants.

Now tell me: is my list incomplete? What do you think your Potterverse would look like?

P.S: If you want a quick and easy DIY project this week end, check out my sisters Severus' patrouns necklace DIY here. She did not inted this to be a Harry Potter thing, but it is!

Have a great week end,

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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Little Miss Awkward

This fall, I suddenly found myself in two situations I had not encountered in quite some time: I was single and I had free time. (I once did a mock interview in college and when the interviewer asked me what I did in my free time, we both started laughing.) Naturally, I thought that I should give dating a try, given my fantastic track record and the fact that I love people.

Being my socially awkward self, the only way I could think of finding datable people was through technology and the app Tinder seemed like a viable option. For those of you less updated on modern technology than myself (hi mom), Tinder is a dating app for shallow people who are too lazy to fill out a profile for an on-line site; a description that fits me like a glove. (But not the ones I got for Christmas, those are a little tight. Like a well-fitting glove.)

I have to admit that I got a little hooked on Tinder; being your most shallow self while judging people based on solely picture, name, and age can be a lot of fun. After two weeks of addiction, suddenly I found myself in a most unfamiliar and daunting situation: I had to go on dates with people I did not know. As evident here and here, socializing with the opposite sex is not one of my fortes.

If nothing else, I learned quite a bit about myself during this time, amongst other things that I am really bad at accepting compliments and that I have quite the knack for ruining moments.

Picture this: It’s one of those crisp, but not too cold wintery Sundays. The date has come to an end after a pleasant afternoon of wandering through a new sculpture park. The guy had even brought a flask of home-made hot chocolate to share while enjoying one of the best views of the city the surrounding hills has to offer. At the bus stop, the sun is setting quite magnificently (Thanks, winter pollution) and the electronic notice board tells them her bus is two minutes away. A pause in the conversation as they gaze into each other’s eyes. Or, he is at least, she has a vaguely puzzled look on her face. The relatively calm exterior hides the chaos within: “What is that look in his eyes? Is he about to kiss me? Am I ok with that? What if I don’t remember what to do? I hardly know this person. What? What WHAT?” She takes a deep breath, opens her moth and: “Fun fact: Did you know that when you flush the toilet, aerosols containing particles of whatever was in that toilet remains airborne for over two hours. Poop is literally flying around in your bathroom! That’s why you should always close the lid.” A quick hug is all they have time for before she has to jump on the bus.

This is from my house, and winter pollution has never looked so good.

Yeah, I’m real good under pressure… Another notable mention is when I told a guy I had skin fungus after he complemented me for my soft skin. It’s totally true and not as gross as one would think. It just looks like dry skin and if I was the kind of person that would tan during summer, the places with fungus would not tan. I have tried to get rid of it, but nothing has worked so far and I’m way too lazy to see a specialist just for a little dry skin. And anyways, after all this time, we’ve kind of made peace and I almost feel a kinship with it. I call it Beatrice, after the place I was contracted: Biarritz, France. The Beckhams and I: naming our kids after where they were conceived. They guy did not seem that convinced about Beatrice’s non-contagiousness, though…

Please be kind and let me know that I’m not a weirdo all by myself. What is the most embarrassing or weirdest thing you’ve ever done on a date? 

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