Monday, January 13, 2014

Period texts

Disclaimer: If you thought all the boob-talk last week was awkward, you might want to skip this post. And while I'm at it, you all should thank me that this post is not illustrated.
Now, back to the scheduled programming:

So, to those of you that read my last post and know a little about female cycles, it might not come as a surprise that I'm currently on my period (yay for oversharing!) Although I'm used to it by now, bleeding exessively for a week while experiencing huge hormonal shifts can be pretty traumatic. My way of dealing with trauma is to talk about it. This is an extremely healty method, just ask any psychiatrist. However, since few of my freiends and family have that profession this personality trait is vastly underestimated monthly.

My former boyfriend was naturally in the line of fire for my coping mechanisms, and the following text convo happened while he was a away one week end:

Me: It’s gushing out faster than I can replace the tampons. You should be so glad I can’t picture text now…

Me: This is why I don’t tweet. No good would come of it…

Me: I wish you could donate period blood. It would solve so many problems.

Me: Like, the week before you have your period, you could just go to the Red Cross and they would just suck it out.

Me: No more tampons to the landfill and no more blood shortages for surgeries.

Me: Why I don’t have the Nobel prize yet, I don’t know?

Me: We’re literally talking pints now.

FBF: Ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyhyh gggggggggggggggg striiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggg. [Fyi: the FBF doesn’t wear g-strings, he just picked that expression up from me]

FBF: And it would be called the Nobel Period prize.

Me: Well, all things considered I would aim for either the medicine one or the peace one. Maybe both.

FBF: Just got to Matt’s house. [Trying to change the subject, sneaky.]

Me: Did you give your friend Eric my number? [A friend of the FBF had just texted me.  Ididn't know him that well, but we had met at a bar the week before where he developed an interest for one of my girlfriends]

FBF: Not that I remember.

Me: Ok, someone did and they might regret that.

FBF: What did he say?

Me: Because, you know, I’m a giver. A giver and a sharer.

FBF: I have no clue what you’re saying.

Me: He wanted to know who the girls I was talking to and he was flirting with at the bar was.

Me: Then he started to ask about my day. He soon regretted that.

FBF: Haha, I’m going to give him shit for that. Why?

Me: Because of how I share stuff. Sometimes stuff about my vagina.

FBF: That what I thought. A little surprised you shared that with him though.

ME: Why? When I’m bleeding this much I share with everyone.

Me: Also, I feel like that if I have to suffer through this, the so does that rest of the world.

I'm sorry I'm not sorry,


  1. Wish that one could come true. Although, I´m leaning more towards the invention of a on/off-switch. Not planning to have kids? The switch is off. Want kids? Take a pill, and switch it to on. After you´re finished having kids, new pill and it goes off again. No hormones, no tears, no fighting with everyone in the vicinity for no reason at all, no binge eating of chocolate, no blood. Go ahead and be happy and wear white pants all the time without any fear of looking like you sat on a small animal.

    1. Agree! Although, binge eating chocolate is pretty awesome...

  2. So, this is probably weird as a guy posting in response to this conversation, but isn't that basically how IUDs work? I've wondered why they're not more popular, though I did read an article on NPR a while back that said they didn't used to be as good or as safe as they are now, so people are still adjusting to the idea.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. IUD's do prevent you from having your period, that is correct.
      As with every other hormonal birth controll option, not everyone responds that well to the hormonal change. Besides, there is the added environmental impact of excess hormones ending up in our water.

  3. Didn't you ever think the FBF might have appreciated you not sharing your bodily functions with his comrades?
    These types of ordeals usually stay between female friends, correct?

    1. Meh, probably. But it's not like I had never met Eric and I knew he could handle it. I don’t think females should be ashamed of something their bodies do naturally, and I think that one of the ways of reducing this is to be more open about it. I def was not as graphic as with the FBF.