Thursday, September 26, 2013

It's Wednesday, trust me. Your calendar is lying.

If there is one thing I think we all can agree on, it’s that I’m an above average intelligent, likable, and generally awesome person with mad Oxford comma skills. We can also agree that the world is a place filled with wonders and mysteries. The thing is though, that because of this well above average intelligence, most of the mysteries are not that mysterious to me. If you ask me to explain the theory of relativity, I could easily do it. Or if you say "Merete, you wonderful human being, I don’t understand why one of these two equally large particles settle slower than the other!", I would use Stoke’s law to explain it . But if you asked me about quantum theory, I would gently sit you down and kindly say: “Hush hush, little puppy, don’t’ you worry your little brain about that. Here, take this coconut. His name is Quark and that’s all the quantum theory we’ll do today. Now, why don’t you and Quark go and play in the sandbox?” Not because I wouldn’t be able explain it, but because I would not want to explode your little brain. I’m nice like that.

Anyways, despite all of this, there is one thing I simply cannot understand. It’s one of the biggest mysteries of our time, and I would greatly appreciate it if any one of you could help me shed some light on tit: How do the Scots repopulate their country? In my lifetime, I’ve seen a substantial number of Scots: with and without bagpipes, with and without kilts, with and without underwear. I once even saw a Scottish pirate, complete with kilt and eye patch. But neither me, nor my friend Monica dared to touch him so no points for either of us. Which meant that Monica is still in the lead. Despite all the Scots I’ve met, I have never, as in never ever ever met a female Scott Like; I’ve almost been to Scotland, and still no females. (Almost as in close to the border.) And  if there are no females, how do they keep the Scottish uniqueness intact? How is the accent not watered down by the import-females they obviously have? So many questions!

Speaking of Scotland, I think that if I were to admit to my biggest weakness when it comes to the opposite sex, it would have to be accents. I had a huge crush on a guy in my class just because of his Boston accent. An Aussie can make me swoon no matter how refurnished his face is. An Frenchman speaking English to me? I’ll make him all the croissants he wants and croissants are a ton of work. But what really makes my underwear disappear like Nutella from my cupboard is a good ol’ fashioned Scottish accent.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, but if I had to conclude with anything, it would be this: I’m thankful that there are no females in Scotland, more Scots for me.

Cheeribye, (genuine Scottish greeting!)


  1. I totally agree. I have been to Scotland many a times, but I cannot recall seeing a single female Scot.

    1. I'm scots... why isn't this helping me?

    2. No Nelson, you're American. The Scottish heritage might help, but you still speak like an American.