Monday, September 9, 2013

With the blink of an eye, the term Fire Crotch got a whole new meaning


Hello all!

Since it’s Monday and all, I felt it appropriate to talk a little about regrets, especially post-week-end regrets. The most recent of my regrets is not putting on proper, padded biking pants before biking 40 km on dirt roads on a bike with no suspension and a seat adjusted for people with legs of a normal length. I don’t know quite how to explain the discomfort I’m feeling today, but let’s just say that if I wasn’t a virgin before, I sure am now… (Also, I hope you noticed the very sneaky way I dropped my extreme sportiness here; Merete, the Queen of Humblebrags. And while I’m at it, I also ran 7 km this week end. And ate McDonald’s, I’m not a robot.)

My point is that it is ok to do things you regret, as long as you learn from them. The lesson learned this week end: Don’t go on a short ride with your friend without clearly defining “short”. In addition to the great life lesson, I also got lingonberries and the experience of almost being attacked by a cow out of it, which is a decent deal for not being able to sit today.

And while I’m on this handing out life lessons roll, I want to add one that might save you a lot of pain. And with “a lot” I mean “all the pain you have”. Girls of the Internet:

If you ever cut fresh chili peppers, no matter how many times your hands have been washed and how many hours have passed that day, do not, and I repeat DO NOT attempt to insert one of those non-applicator tampons. As it turns out, it is very, very tricky to rinse out your vagina. According to the mighty Wikipedia, vaginal irrigation (oh yeah, that’s a thing) can be achieved by using a douche bag. Sadly, the only douche bag I know of is my ex... Wikipedia, you let me down and I'm very disappointed in you.
So, if you ever have to choose between a chili tampon or no tampon and white pants while meeting the president on live tv, chose the latter.

(Disclaimer: The ex mentioned here is not the one I talked about a few weeks ago. That one was and is an angel.)
 
You are welcome,
 

3 comments :

  1. Haha, so true! If you like putting fresh chili peppers in all the food stuffs you make, don´t get a little horny if you´re single and want to do something about said horny-ness (is that a word?). You´re gonna have a bad time! (Although it´s a little easier to rinse the clit, it´s still no fun).

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  2. Haha, Merete! I'll keep that in mind!

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