Monday, September 9, 2013

With the blink of an eye, the term Fire Crotch got a whole new meaning

Hello all!

Since it’s Monday and all, I felt it appropriate to talk a little about regrets, especially post-week-end regrets. The most recent of my regrets is not putting on proper, padded biking pants before biking 40 km on dirt roads on a bike with no suspension and a seat adjusted for people with legs of a normal length. I don’t know quite how to explain the discomfort I’m feeling today, but let’s just say that if I wasn’t a virgin before, I sure am now… (Also, I hope you noticed the very sneaky way I dropped my extreme sportiness here; Merete, the Queen of Humblebrags. And while I’m at it, I also ran 7 km this week end. And ate McDonald’s, I’m not a robot.)

My point is that it is ok to do things you regret, as long as you learn from them. The lesson learned this week end: Don’t go on a short ride with your friend without clearly defining “short”. In addition to the great life lesson, I also got lingonberries and the experience of almost being attacked by a cow out of it, which is a decent deal for not being able to sit today.

And while I’m on this handing out life lessons roll, I want to add one that might save you a lot of pain. And with “a lot” I mean “all the pain you have”. Girls of the Internet:

If you ever cut fresh chili peppers, no matter how many times your hands have been washed and how many hours have passed that day, do not, and I repeat DO NOT attempt to insert one of those non-applicator tampons. As it turns out, it is very, very tricky to rinse out your vagina. According to the mighty Wikipedia, vaginal irrigation (oh yeah, that’s a thing) can be achieved by using a douche bag. Sadly, the only douche bag I know of is my ex... Wikipedia, you let me down and I'm very disappointed in you.
So, if you ever have to choose between a chili tampon or no tampon and white pants while meeting the president on live tv, chose the latter.

(Disclaimer: The ex mentioned here is not the one I talked about a few weeks ago. That one was and is an angel.)
You are welcome,


  1. Haha, so true! If you like putting fresh chili peppers in all the food stuffs you make, don´t get a little horny if you´re single and want to do something about said horny-ness (is that a word?). You´re gonna have a bad time! (Although it´s a little easier to rinse the clit, it´s still no fun).

  2. Haha, Merete! I'll keep that in mind!